


You have to break the umbrella

by TaraHarkon



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, F/M, Imprisonment, Misunderstandings, Temporary Amnesia, Umbrellas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-30 19:03:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19409479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaraHarkon/pseuds/TaraHarkon
Summary: Barry Bluejeans was afraid of the dark. He liked to swim in a cold lake on a hot day. He was lactose intolerant. He remembered his mother fondly and had never gotten to meet his father. He was a necromancer, trained at his mother's side. And there was a weight in his chest that he didn't understand and a coin in his pocket that sometimes tried to explain things.Not that it always did a great job of explaining, of course. Even if it was his own voice coming out of the coin. Apparently, there were just times where he was incomprehensible. Or else he'd managed to make a recording spell that had a really awful sense of dramatic timing. That was all he could assume with how often it seemed to cut out to nothing but static where there should have been important words.Like today.





	You have to break the umbrella

Barry Bluejeans was afraid of the dark. He liked to swim in a cold lake on a hot day. He was lactose intolerant. He remembered his mother fondly and had never gotten to meet his father. He was a necromancer, trained at his mother's side. And there was a weight in his chest that he didn't understand and a coin in his pocket that sometimes tried to explain things. 

Not that it always did a great job of explaining, of course. Even if it was his own voice coming out of the coin. Apparently, there were just times where he was incomprehensible. Or else he'd managed to make a recording spell that had a really awful sense of dramatic timing. That was all he could assume with how often it seemed to cut out to nothing but static where there should have been important words. 

Like today.

Today, he'd left himself a memo that was probably important. All he'd gotten out of it, though, was to watch out for a lich and that if he found a red umbrella, he should break it. Now, that sounded like a load of nonsense on the surface, but it was entirely possible that he'd somehow managed to piss off a lich and just didn't remember it and that said lich was extra and/or tacky enough to be using an actual umbrella as their phylactery. 

And that was a mystery that left him laying in bed late one night trying to figure out exactly where in the umbrella the soul would go. It wasn't like umbrellas didn't open easily. Like, wasn't that their primary function? To open? Yeah, pretty much. And yet, apparently there was some kind of umbrella lich out there somewhere, keeping their soul in a fucking umbrella and maybe, probably being someone he should be wary of. Because that's just how it was on this bitch of a plane when your name was Barry Bluejeans.

That was what was going through his mind when he woke up on the floor in Wave Echo Cave with three people who were oddly familiar despite the fact that he'd never seen them before the night before. They were looking down at him, the elf having just poured a potion down his throat.

"Where are they? The gerblins. Lemme at 'em. I'm ready to kick some gerblin ass."

Taako's ears flicked up and then he held a hand out to help Barry up. 

"Sorry, Barold, but we're fresh out of gerblin ass."

Barry stumbled to his feet, adjusting his armor as he stood.

"You didn't save even one ass for me?"

"Not even the one. But we also didn't find Gundren, so we're headed off to do that next."

Barry hesitated for a moment. Part of him didn't want to go with them. He'd almost died. And yeah, sure, he was a necromancer. But that didn't mean he had any idea how to return from the dead. That was way beyond the level of skill he had.

At the same time, though, he was pretty sure he needed to go with them if he was going to have any chance of finding what he was looking for. Or even just of getting paid for this. 

"Sure, sure, but I'm gonna need a minute." He paused then, looking around. "Have you seen my sword?"

Magnus was the one to give him an odd look for that.

"Since when you use a sword, Bluejeans?"

Barry gestured down at his own armor and everything. 

"You know, since I'm like... mostly a fighter?"

It wasn't entirely true, but he did know how to use a sword and he did have one here somewhere. Unfortunately, somewhere was proving to be the operative term. After a moment, he sighed and pulled the wand out of his bag.

"Alright, alright, let's get going."

As they turned towards the exit, Magnus clapped him on the shoulder hard enough that his knees nearly buckled.

"I knew you were a wizard, Barry. You look too much like a nerd to be a fighter."

Merle was the one who found the umbrella but Taako was the one who picked it up. Merle had been blown back and hit a wall. Merle, the cleric. The umbrella hadn't wanted to be touched by a cleric. That point had stuck in Barry's mind. It was a phylactery, he was certain of that now. It was the phylactery of the lich he was looking for. Taking a breath, Barry reached into a pouch at his waist and produced a tiny silver cage no more than an inch tall. Gripping it in one hand, he held his wand with the other.

"Taako, I need you to listen to me. Just... just trust me on this one. Do you trust me?"

Taako hesitated just long enough that Barry wondered if he was going to say no. Then the elven wizard nodded once sharply.

"What's up, Barold?"

Barry Bluejeans took a deep breath. This was his one chance to get to the bottom of the strange clues he'd been leaving himself.

"The umbrella. It's a phylactery. I need you to break it."

Taako's grip on the umbrella in his hand tightened, something in his heart rebelling at the idea of breaking this... this... this... It was important, somehow. But then the feeling was gone, whisked away in a sea of static like so much else in his life. He grabbed the bright red umbrella with both hands and brought it down sharply on his knee. With a resounding crack, it shattered. 

For an instant that hung in the air, there was silence and bright flames filled the chamber. And then the red robed lich appeared. She seemed disoriented at first, flames licking the area around her. And then she looked around in excitement. 

_"Taako! Barry! You-"_ She cut herself off as she looked at Barry. _"Bear? What are you do-?_ "

And then his spell took hold.

The lich screamed as necromantic energy wreathed her, pulling her into the prison in his hand. Taako dropped to his knees, staring in confusion as his heart felt like it broke and his head swam with static he couldn't force himself to think through.

"Barry. Barold. What the fuck just happened?"

Barry held up the tiny silver cage, now glowing with flickering red light. He felt dizzy, his head ached and the weight in his heart felt like it was going to crush him. But he'd trapped the lich in a prison of his own devising. Maybe now he would find the answers he needed. 

* * *

Barry took the cup of voidfish ichor and drank it down, making a face as the taste hit the back of his throat. It was awful, like drinking fish water. Which, alright, it was fish water. And then the memories started coming back. His hand went to the cage in his pocket, horror dawning on his face. He had _found her_. He had found Lup. And then he'd promptly thrown her in a _cage_. 

When the Bureau of Balance guards hauled them in front of Lucretia, he dropped to his knees, the weight of what he'd done settling on his shoulders. He had hurt his wife. He had taken her from one prison and thrown her into another. 

He was everything he had tried for so long not to be.

He was a monster.

And the Hunger was nearly here.

Lucretia was talking, he was sure of that. But he couldn't focus to listen. He could only tighten his fist around the silver cage, knowing his wife was in there. 

That was when the ceiling exploded, destroyed by a column of darkness. The Hunger had arrived.

Barry pulled his wand out and then the small prison. As the darkness coalesced into shapes, he smashed the cage in his hand, flames swirling around him but never touching him. Well, he thought, a little smile playing at the corners of his mouth, at least she wasn't too mad at him.

When the air cleared, Lup floated in front of him, phantasmal and resplendent. For a beat, she said nothing, just looked him over. Then she gestured at him.

"What the fuck, Bear?"


End file.
